An alternative to organ donations

Classic huh, the jolly fat cook. (OK I deleted the picture, it was gross) This guy needs to lose his car, the bacon burgers, fries, slurpes and bike to work, have an apple and celery.  If he can live a few more years they'll have his feet in a dumpster with the other dibetic amputated appendages.  I think we ought to add another choice to the list of potential after life uses for bodies.  Besides donating organs, why not rendering for energy?

If my old cow dies I call the rendering plant. They show up in a truck full of death and with a gaff to the fetlock winch bossie through the muck and up the ramp. A few hours later she's melting and ducking paddles in a swimming pool size pot of hooves hair and fat. Fat burns.

Think of the natural resources moldering in shady cemeteries from sea to shining sea, while 6' above the nation pines ignorantly for Bachman's $2 gas. Ironic isn't it, a huge source of fat and oil waddles and rocks on sore knees and swollen feet in the malls, or glides past to the hissing of oxygen tubes and rumps lopped over the sides of battery driven shopping carts on the frozen treat isles. Of course we can't have some ghoul show up to winch room temperature uncle Billy out of his lazy-boy, down the steps and aboard with the blow fly maggots, that could put the neighbors off their delivered pizza. But if we could mount a patriotic movement for the fat-soo's of America to give back to the nation when they've watched their last American Idol episode, to turn in that precious oil they harbor, to be a natural resource, wow! Iran, Venezuela, the Saudi's, screw all of you, we got fat to burn hidden away in polyester stretch pants and quad X large T-shirts everywhere we turn, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a blistered collection of stretchmarks struggling to get through their car door. Instead of funeral expense the family might make a few bucks on grease.


Render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's, but render Uncle Billy unto Southwest By-Products and Energy.