Thursday, August 25, 2011

An alternative to organ donations




If my old cow dies I call the rendering plant. They show up in a truck full of death and with a gaff to the fetlock winch bossie through the muck and up the ramp. A few hours later she's melting and ducking paddles in a swimming pool size pot of hooves hair and fat. Fat burns.

Think of the natural resources moldering in shady cemeteries from sea to shining sea, while 6' above the nation pines ignorantly for Bachman's $2 gas. Ironic isn't it, a huge source of fat and oil waddles and rocks on sore knees and swollen feet in the malls, or glides past to the hissing of oxygen tubes and rumps lopped over the sides of battery driven shopping carts on the frozen treat isles. Of course we can't have some ghoul show up to winch room temperature uncle Billy out of his lazy-boy, down the steps and aboard with the blow fly maggots, that could put the neighbors off their delivered pizza. But if we could mount a patriotic movement for the fat-soo's of America to give back to the nation when they've watched their last American Idol episode, to turn in that precious oil they harbor, to be a natural resource, wow! Iran, Venezuela, the Saudi's, screw all of you, we got fat to burn hidden away in polyester stretch pants and quad X large T-shirts everywhere we turn, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a blistered collection of stretchmarks struggling to get through their car door. Instead of funeral expense the family might make a few bucks on grease.


Render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's, but render Uncle Billy unto Southwest By-Products and Energy.

9 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Adendum 1. On Netflix watch "Fat, sick and nearly dead". Lots of good and helpful info there and a confimation of a rumor I heard a few years ago and just dismissed thinking oh that's not true. The fat guy in the show confirms that (depending on your height) at around 300 pounds you reach a place where you can't reach the place. Yea, you can't wipe or wash your own butt, you just live the rest of your wife with shit and filth stuck to your rear end. Boy if that ain't a reason to keep your weight down I don't know what is.

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  3. I can't think of anything to say ...

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  4. Fringe:

    This post reminded me of the 1973 movie "Soylent Green." In the film, the year is 2022 with a despairing Earth, because of overpopulation, experiencing a shortage of natural foods such as fruits, vegetables, and meat. New York's 40 million starving residents are surviving with water rations and a mysterious food called Soylent.

    Soylent Green is a small green wafer which is advertised as being produced from "high-energy plankton." It is much more nutritious and palatable than the red and yellow varieties, but, like most other food, it is in short supply, which often leads to food riots.

    The worldwide oceans have died and can no longer produce the plankton from which Soylent Green is officially said to be made. Assisted suicide takes place at a government clinic in Madison Square Garden, which had been converted for mass euthanasia, a process referred to as "going home." AS people are dying, they listen to light classical music and watch video clips of Earth long ago when animal (sheep, deer and horses) and plant life were thriving and there was no pollution.

    A detective enters the basement of the assisted suicide facility, where he sees corpses being loaded onto waste disposal trucks. He secretly hitches a ride on one, which is driven to a heavily guarded waste disposal plant. Once inside the plant, Thorn sees how the corpses are processed into Soylent Green wafers.

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  5. NAC:
    Sure you can.

    Whit:
    I saw that movie, I think Charlton Hesston was in over his head, poor kid couldn't act since he gave it all in the 10 thall-shalts flick. Cool that the people being "processed" got to see what a clean earth looked like. Thanks.

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  6. Whit beat me to it! I was going to be original and say you wanted to put the "green" into Soylent Green" but now I"m too late... dammit.

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  7. The Air Force is doing something with bio-fuels - they flew a C-5 using the stuff. Now, that for figters? Maybe not enough octane. As far as those big huge dudes an porkers washing their asses - they have these spray nozelle things.
    But big is BIG - I have a friend that has to sit down to piss at Hooters. Kicked out of the Navy for being overweight with 7 in.


    Sarge

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  8. Fringe. I'm embarrassed that I laughed at this. However, move these folks to the Arctic and mate them with walruses. (walrussi?) There's plenty of plankton in the Arctic Ocean.

    FUCK RICK PERRY!

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