I am writing this from bed, the wife is keeping me alive for the moment but I heard the drawers softly opening where the life insurance policy is kept, I think she is running the numbers against her projected efforts, no doubt the list of perceived slights over the years is being reviewed as well.
Yesterday at this very hour I walked into the laundry room and pulled out a tangled sheet, the one I now reside on. Raising it with a sweeping action like John Travalta on the disco dance floor my back rebelled and struck me down then and there. My knees wobbled, I had to grab the machine and suck air. I baby stepped my way to the front room and sank to the floor where I lay on my back for almost an hour.
Over the remainder of the day I wobbled and baby stepped around a few times, but mostly set and.......oh hold on, the doctor office is on the phone........well, that was a nurse wanting to make an appointment which I don't think I can get to because I CANT WALK, oh well then let me consult and call back........
Cut the story short here, as the day wore on into the night I could no longer walk, the transition from walking to bed, that getting your feet up, or the "set-up" part of it causes someone in the room to yelp like a dog caught under a gate, then I find out it's me yelping. Last night at one point I got up for a whiz, that was a 5 minute struggle to get up and the few feet to the toilet, lots of crying and cussing, when I got back I couldn't control my walk and luckly I fell on the bed out of breath and in severe pain on the left side of the back below the waist. I had to rest for 5 minutes before I started the 5 minutes of squirming and inching my way from the foot of the bed where I landed.
This morning I could not walk to the bathroom, I got on the floor and found neither could I crawl, after a long time I found I could sort of slide my knees along an inch at a time. Getting up onto the toilet was the next exercise. I keep thinking I can just power through the pain, but I can't. Hell it took me a full minute to let go of the door knob after pulling myself on the toilet partially by using it as a ladder, everytime I tried to let go my rump hurt worse, finally I just yanked it free and found that was not fool proof either as that shifted my weight and caused some more dog yelping and wet eyes.
I'll write again if I live into the afternoon.
Call an ambulance! You've obviously slipped a disc and pinched a nerve in your lumbar region, and it's quite possible this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better.
ReplyDeleteYou some kind of masochist? Enjoy agony? NO? Then go get help!!!
They'll give you muscle relaxers and probably some kind of steroid packet, and once you've stopped having spasms they'll be able to do an MRI and assess the damage. Until then the last thing you want to do is make it worse by moving around, getting up and down, trying to ambulate around the house.
Back trouble is serious shit. Call someone.
Yes, what Squatlo said. And if you have any marijuana, smoke it. (Can't hurt.) ; )
ReplyDeleteNAC, thanks for the wish, but I don't. and I put the hash pipe in the recycle bin a few years ago.
DeleteOh well ...
DeleteSquatlo, It sounds like you been there done that, you were on target. The Doc. called and I told him where on the doll the bad man touched me. THe wife drove off a few minutes ago to pick up exactly Squatlo's prescirption, muscle relaxer and steroid pack. THe instructions are If I don't get some relief starting in a couple days and then if I'm not back to kick boxing and bull riding in a week or so then he schedules an MRI.
ReplyDeleteIt's not happening, Sarge. The turning queer part, I mean. Would be more than half the country, you know. ; )
DeleteFringe, I've had to cervical lamenectomies on my neck, once from the front, once from the back. In both instances the pain of pinched nerves (bone spurs and a collapsed disc) was enough to bring tears to a grown man's eyes. I was eating Loritabs like Tic-Tacs, couldn't sleep, shit, walk, drive, eat, screw, or nod my damn head without pain shooting down my arm. The surgery completely eliminated the pain in both cases. You have no idea how much this shit hurt...
ReplyDeleteMy family has a history of back and neck trouble, so I know the drill. And I can pass along what a surgeon told me after my last slice 'n stitch: screw around with chiropractors to fix spinal injuries and you can end up communicating through a tube like Stephen Hawking.
Don't try to be macho-man and jump outta bed while this thing's still tightened up. That shooting pain is a sign, you better pay attention...
Best of luck, in the meantime. And rolling one up just might not be a bad idea, despite Sarge's warning of ladyboys behind every peep hole...
Being a ladyboy right now would be great actually, light on my feet would be a great change.
DeleteFringe,
ReplyDeleteAs you know, Mrs. O has now had two surgeries on her neck to "cure" a trapped nerve. Prior to the surgery she had a pins and needles feeling down her left arm. Now the doc whacks her on the inner elbow with his rubber hammer and - nada. No reaction. They're saying the nerve needs to get healthy again. I've got two herniated discs in my lower back that go wonky on me about once a year, just nowhere near as severe as what you're experiencing. Sounds like one or more of your discs has ruptured. Good luck.
Mister O, I feel bad for your wife, I hope she is on the road to a pain free life starting today. Herniated discs huh? I hope you use a tubby lift if you need to scoot your patients around at work. Well good luck to you both, maybe you can get back to rough sex by August.
DeleteSarge, if your mystic Lee tries to roll me over, she better have ear plugs if screaming bothers her, rolling over right now is a 10 minute project I avoid until the bed sores look like they may bleed.
ReplyDeleteUpdate, the drugs are making me moooocho sleepy. Every time I go over to OneAngryZebra to look at the naked girls, I fall asleep.
ReplyDeleteAnna Nicole today. Try to stay awake. ; )
DeleteOk the sun came up, I got up, drugs starting to help already, I baby stepped out to the kitchen then to the front room. Not feeling to great, but I got a front row seat for the court decision. Thomas and Scali voted against the health care act like a couple of motherfuckers, thats not up for questions, the question is who else?
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you're improving a bit. Disappointing for your wife, who I hear was looking into Club Med vacations.....
ReplyDeleteI had neck problem last year which affected arms and back a bit. Pain in the butt to deal with, but some relaxants and physical therapy took care of it. Hope yours is not a major disc problem that will return.